Tuesday, May 5, 2009

I can't think of a title that doesn't involve drowning vaginas and a bunch of seamen, and I'm just too classy for that


My mom called me last night concerned.

Lemish's mom: "I want you to be really careful if you go in the ocean."

Lemish: "Mom, I live like 1200 miles from the nearest ocean."

Lemish's mom: "Yeah, but you might take a trip and I'm seriously concerned."

Lemish: "Okay, what is the issue? Did you see floating medical waste or watch Jaws again or something?"

Lemish's mom: "No, the ocean is filled with flying black penises."

Lemish: "..."

Lemish: "..."

Lemish: "Mom, these are the things that you say to me and then deny later. Then I look like the insane person saying 'Hey Mom, remember the time you told me the ocean was filled with flying black penises and how fucking crazy that was?' and you'll be all like 'I never said that!' and look at me like you are insulted and tell me I should go to church with you."

Lemish's mom: "Well maybe if you went to church with me more often there would be fewer flying black penises to worry about."

Lemish: "Touché Mom, touché."

7 comments:

Traycina said...

::::stunned silence::::

HannahBanana said...

Wait, wait, WAIT! Is, wait, is there, like, an animal that she sees and she *think* are flying black penises? Or is she straight up, like, "FLYING BLACK PENISES, PEOPLE!"? Would it be better if the penises were a different color, like, say, purple? Teal? Would teal penises be ok? I am waaaaaaay confused.

Lemish said...

It's best not to ask too many questions with my mom. You just have to go with it. But based on my knowledge of her, I think she is an equal opportunity alarmist. She would be afraid of any color flying penis.

emvandee said...

So ... every time you go to church with mom a penis loses its wings?

Heidi M. said...

I think I like your mum.

Gorilla Bananas said...

Is it possible to drown a vagina? I always thought they could breathe underwater. Maybe your vagina gills need a tune up.

Anonymous said...

Hahaha...I have nothing witty to add, but this made me laugh. Thanks. :)
-Kate G/B