Monday, December 29, 2008

Now it smells like scotch tape

Everything stinks to me lately. Stinks like a terrible, terrible smell, not like how it stinks when you lose your wallet or run over your baby or something. I don't know what's going on but I am constantly smelling weird things that no one else seems to notice. It's really annoying because people keep looking at me weird when I ask if anyone else smells old stale beer that has been spilled on the floor of a dirty bar. They act all high and mighty like they wouldn't even know what that smelled like, but I know they totally do.

Right now I smell the powdered cheese that comes in a box of macaroni and cheese. Just the powder, not the prepared cheese-flavored sauce, just like I snorted it right up my nose.

So I've decided to wash the inside of my nose because maybe my nose had been trapping tiny molecules of each smell inside my nose and had reached it's molecule storing capacity and had begun randomly shedding these particles causing me to smell weird shit all of the time. I really can't think of a more simple explanation. I'm either going to use one of these:

or I'm going to snort bleach up my nose. I haven't decided which.

I'm also going to demand that people stop cooking disgusting things around me because I really don't want those particles trapped in my nose. I used to work with this guy that would eat these microwave fish dinner things for lunch. No food in the world stinks more than microwaved frozen fish dinner, but this guy made it worse because he didn't cook it like a normal person would - take the little plastic tray out of the box, vent and cook. No, he would just stick the whole fucking box right into the microwave without even opening it. He said that it made it taste better that way. So now not only was our whole office filled with the disgusting wobbly fish stink, we had to contest with the smell of burning plastic and chemical smell from whatever dyes they used to make the box colorful. He was super popular in our office.

I probably have years of stinky frozen fish and commercial dye particles stuck in my nose. No wonder my world smells like shit.

1 comment:

Don't call me Kat said...

I love the smell of Scotch tape!!!